15 seconds....sounds so short, doesn’t it? But now actually stop and count it out.... 1-one thousand, 2-one thousand, 3-one thousand, 4- one thousand, 5- one thousand....keep going....6-one thousand, 7-one thousand, 8-one thousand, 9-one thousand, 10-one thousand....this is taking forever....11-one thousand, 12-one thousand, 13-one thousand, 14-one thousand, 15-one thosand. Seems real quick when you’re in the middle of doing something, but when the room is completely quiet and still, and there are over 100 eyes staring at you....it seems like an eternity. Now imagine you are standing in front of over 50 people trying to recite a memorized 1-minute presentation. You forget the middle part of your speech, and stand there for those LONG 15 seconds, looking back and forth hopefully between your mom and your teacher, with big, wide eyes screaming out for help.
That was our sweet Faith Anna yesterday during her Egyptian Festival. If you read my last blog, you know that she was so excited about this day, and knew her presentation backwards and forwards. Just shows that we never know how nerves are going to affect us....and she totally blanked. The real hard part was that her precious teacher had a copy of each of the other kids’ speeches so that she could cue them if they forgot their lines. And sure enough, she did have to cue almost every one of the children that went before and after Faith. So when Faith Anna blanked, we were all just waiting for Mrs. Cope to give her the next word, just like she had done for all of the other kids. But one second went by, then two, then ten. You should have felt the tension in the room. And the worst part of it was those precious, big, blue eyes darting back and forth between her teacher and me....just pleading for one of us to rescue her. Five more seconds went by, and finally Faith Anna just picked up at the end of her presentation and finished strong with the last couple of sentences. I was proud of her, but could hear the defeat in her voice. As she sat down and everyone clapped, I found anger rising within me. Why didn’t her teacher help? She helped all the other children. Then during the final 10 presentations, I had to watch my sweet daughter sitting on the front row, just quietly sobbing the entire time and wiping her tears on her shirt sleeve. It was all this mama bear could do to sit through those last 20 minutes and not get up and wrap my arms around her. I just wanted to tell her it was ok and that we loved her. And then I wanted to ask her teacher what in the world she was thinking. But God made me wait. Don’t you hate it when He makes us wait?
When the presentations were over and the kids and families were dismissed to the luncheon, Mrs. Cope immediately went to Faith and wrapped her up in her arms. My sweet girl’s quiet sobs grew into loud ones, finally being allowed to let the emotion gush forth. I just couldn’t handle it. I walked over to them, knelt down, and had my turn holding her as she weeped. I quietly asked her teacher what happened, and she very apologetically said, “She just knew the speech so well that I didn’t bring a copy. She has never missed a word in all of our practices. She did it perfectly this morning when we did our presentations for the rest of the school. I asked her if she wanted me to bring a copy, and she said that no, she knew it and didn’t need any help.” Well, my first reaction was “She’s a 7 year old! She shouldn’t have made that decision. You’re the teacher. You should have brought it anyway!” But of course I couldn’t say that. Mrs. Cope is such a wonderful teacher who loves Faith Anna dearly. She just made a mistake, and I knew she felt terrible about it. No sense in rubbing salt in the wound. So instead I just held Faith as her little shoulders kept shaking with each sob. I told her over and over that it was no big deal, that we were so proud of her. But she wasn’t seeming to recover. And I actually understood. She is a perfectionist....just like her mama. So I got it. And she had one expectation of how it was going to go....and she was sorely disappointed. And she saw how the other children were cued and how she wasn’t....and she felt treated unfairly.
So all of these things and feelings brought about a huge spiritual lesson for both Faith Anna and I. We all have had that feeling of needing to be rescued....of being disappointed by expectations....and feeling like life is not fair. Now I know that this is just a little girl and a silly school presentation which doesn’t matter at all in the big scheme of things. But I am so thankful that God used it to teach both of us a much bigger lesson.
People can’t always rescue us. Jesus Christ is our ultimate rescuer. I know I at times really depend on people, namely my sweet husband, to rescue me. This was a great lesson that people will sometimes fail us, but Jesus Christ never will. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.” Psalm 91:14-15
Another great lesson that came from this is that people aren’t perfect. This is a hard concept for someone like Faith Anna who strives for perfection in all she does, and hits the bullseye most of the time! God has blessed her with being talented at so many things- sports, dance, music, school, relationships. But if she had to go through this to begin to learn this hard lesson at age 7, she will be light years ahead of her 37-year old mom who is still struggling with being a perfectionist. :) We need to give ourselves and others a dose of grace.
The last thing we both learned is the importance of finishing strong. Even though it didn’t go the exact way she had hoped, she was somehow able to muster up the courage to remember the end of her speech and finish it well. Life doesn’t often start out or go the way we hope. But God does want us to finish strong. To learn from all of these life lessons, apply them, and finish well. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7
Faith Anna finally recovered after about 15 or 20 minutes of sobbing. (Sounds like most women, doesn’t it?) I was so proud that she was able to regroup and enjoy the luncheon and the rest of the festival. I told her the story of when I forgot some of the words in a song I sang in my sister Jennifer’s wedding. I had practiced so many times and knew the words so well....that I didn’t bring a copy to sit on the music stand in front of me. I knew I didn’t need them. But when I saw my sister and her husband lighting the unity candle, I got swept up in the emotion of it all and plum forgot. I too was able to get it together to finish the last couple of lines of the song....but it took me weeks to forgive myself. I just felt like I had let everyone down. So the fact that it only took Faith Anna about half an hour to recover shows maturity far beyond her 7 years. Again, I am so proud of her.
So hopefully this story will encourage you to depend on Christ alone, forgive yourself, finish strong, move on, and have joy. Man! That pretty much sums up life, doesn’t it?
