Blubbering mess

I'm a mess this morning.  Tears, snot....you know the drill.  I've been teary for days now about Deets- our sweet, ole, chocolate lab.  He's not doing so well, and has really taken a turn for the worse over the last week.  He has been such a faithful part of our family for the past 13 years- our first child really- and I can't imagine him not being here.  He has been such a dear friend.  It may sound corny to some, but those of you who have truly loved a pet like this understand.  I feel like Luke and I need to start talking about making that hard decision- and it's just tearing me to pieces.  And the kids....this is going to be so tough on them.  Little Beth just sits beside him and pets him with big, ole tears in her eyes.  So if you think of it, please say a prayer that we will love Deets well through this hard process.

Then this week I've been studying in Genesis about the inheritance we've been given in Christ- and how it all started with Abraham back in Gen. 12 and 15.  Then today I was reading in chapter 22.  I guess I was already so emotional about Deets....but then reading about Abraham trusting God enough to give up his one and only son.  It just did me in.  God, do I trust You that much?  I think that I do, and I say that I do.  But do I really??  Down in the deepest, darkest parts of my heart, I don't know if I do.  Sure, when it involves easy things, or good things, or things that will bless me or others.  But what about hard things?  What about suffering and loss?  It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around this because I have really never truly dealt with anything like that.  So Lord, please give me a heart that trusts in You completely, no matter what.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says to Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge, seek him...and He will make your paths straight.  


And then of course trying to understand the metaphor of Abraham being willing to give up Isaac, his one and only son.....and of the Lord, being willing to give us Jesus, his one and only Son.....for ME.  I can barely take it all in.  That sacrifice....for me.  Paying that price.....for me.  Oh Lord, I don't deserve it.  I guess that's why you call it "undeserved favor"- grace. 

I love how Beth Moore puts it:

A holy God can only bless a bankrupt people if He settles an account.  We are PAID IN FULL.


Thank you for settling my account.  And for loving me....all of us....that much, God.